5 questions I still have about the Jay Z-Solange elevator brawl

jayz-beyonce-solangeI know, I know. Elevatorgate has already been discussed to death. There are more important things to focus on and more constructive things I could be doing with my time than writing about the family strife between Beyonce, Jay Z and Solange. Just because I share the last name Carter with two-thirds of the clan does not mean this is any of my business. And yet, I live on Earth, so I’ve seen the video, and I’ve heard the incessant chatter, and I’ve read the “think pieces,” and even though the trio issued a statement saying they’ve “worked through it,” I still have so many questions about what, exactly, “it” was. So I pose the following inquiries: 

What was Beyonce thinking?

A more appropriate question might be — Was Beyonce thinking? I’m sorry, but if my sister is physically assaulting my husband, I’m probably going to do something besides adjust my train. So I have to wonder what, if anything, was running through Beyonce’s mind while Solange was testing out her cage fighter skills on Jay Z. Was she worried about messing up her hair and makeup? Did she know there were security cameras recording her every move? Or is she conditioned to this type of behavior? Instead of stepping in or at least asking her sister to calm down, Beyonce remained eerily composed, almost as if she wasn’t surprised by Solange’s outburst. Which leads me to my next question…

Has this happened before?

The Donald Sterling recording capped off years and years of racism. Does this recorded elevator beating cap off years and years of abuse against Jay Z? Is Jay Z a battered man? Does the publicly down-to-earth and free-spirited Solange have a history of violent outbursts we don’t know about? And if so, what is fueling all that anger? Alternatively…

Was Solange standing up for Beyonce?

I have to wonder if Jay Z disrespected Beyonce in some way, prompting Solange to defend her sister MMA-style. This would explain why Beyonce stood on the sidelines during the fight and emerged from the elevator with a satisfied smirk on her face. It would also explain why the normally chill Solange temporarily took on the demeanor of a rabid dog.

Will we ever know why?

The speculation I’ve seen online about what caused Solange to assault her brother-in-law has been the stuff of legend. If some of these pop culture junkies applied their skills to a creative writing project, no doubt some of them could produce the next Great American Novel, or at least a halfway decent soap opera pilot, because the level of detail and imagination that’s gone into concocting an explanation for Solange’s attack has been truly astounding.

But the bottom line is, we may never know what was behind this scuffle. Since the likelihood of Solange, Beyonce or Jay Z making a public statement is zero, our only hope is that the bodyguard spills the beans. If not, we’ll be destined to a lifetime of mysterious non-messages from Beyonce’s Instagram feed. And who can bear to live that kind of life?

And lastly, I ask…

Is this all a ploy to sell On The Run tickets?

Just kidding. Obviously, the Carters don’t need any help with that.

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